Call for Entries: Write the Worst Sentence In 25 Words or Less

Though we usually prefer applauding a job well done, sometimes when a job is done so poorly we have to stop and take notice. We don't think we're the only ones who enjoy contests like the Literary Review's annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award. The last winner was Snow Falling on Cedars author David Guterson for his fifth novel, Ed King, a modern interpretation of Oedipus that apparently uses one too many coy metaphors like "back door" and "front parlour." Guterson even bested Haruki Murakami's embarrassing comparison of "a freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina" in 1Q84.

But we digress.

The point is, we're equally excited for the Lyette Lyon contest--AKA the worst sentence written in 25 words or less. This one's an open call: Meaning you can either create your own terrible ode to the English language or nominate a particularly egregious sentence born from someone else's ill-fated pen. 

Last year's Lyette Lyon winner was a woman by the name of Judy Dean--and her entry went a little something like this:

"The red hot sun rose in the cold blue sky."

Here's contest founder Adam Cadre explaining their choice for the crown:

"First, you’ve got the eyeroll that comes from the ham-handed contrast between ‘red hot’ and ‘cold blue’ — and then a second later you realize that ‘red hot’ actually means a temperature of about 1000 kelvin, and is therefore hilariously inadequate as a descriptor of the sun, a gigantic nuclear furnace with a core temperature of roughly ten million kelvin. Intentionally writing a sentence that seems unintentionally bad is hard; writing one that suggests an author going for hyperbole and accidentally winding up with woeful understatement is masterful."

Meanwhile, we've got ourselves a couple more favorites--one being Jordan Brown's:

"The detective could smell the murder on the knife."

And then this little gem courtesy of James Gilker:

"A wind was blowing from east to west, as if it were the sun, blowing instead of shining."

Think you can down take those nightmarish (but kind of perfect) passages of prose? You have until April 15th to submit your sentence. On the other hand, if you'd actually like to write something not terrible, take a quick glance at some of our writing classes; we swear you won't end up in Lyette Lyon's Hall of Shame.

-- Perrin Drumm

Call for Entries // Share Some Knowledge, Win a ShopBot

Instructables is a truly brilliant online DIY community where members share detailed instructions for projects ranging from jalapeno poppers to Lego helicopters to steampunk chandeliers. Photos of each step accompanied by in-depth written instructions make it simple to build just about anything. 

And if that wasn't enough to make us totally obsessed with the site, they're holding a pretty rad competition. They're looking to give away a ShopBot--one of those high-tech routers that can cut just about any shape in just about any sheet material based on your design files--as well as a copy of AutoCAD 2012 (to help you create the necessary design files.)

Here's how it works: Create an Instructable, the best one you can think of, something that really showcases what you're interested in. You've got until February 27 to publish it. Once it's up, the deadline is February 29 to enter it into the ShopBot Challenge. You'll have to explain why you should win and what you'll do with your ShopBot. A panel of judges will determine the winners.

So best of luck, makers of the world--and enjoy that Instructables wormhole you're about to fall into.

--Layla Schlack

Tech Competition // NYC BigApps 3.0 Invites You To Build Apps That Improve City Life

With New York City's tech community getting some much-deserved attention through the Cornell tech campus planned for Roosevelt Island and the recent protest of SOPA and PIPA, we wanted to make sure all of you Silicon Alley fans are aware of an awesome competition that brings together NYC and technology.

NYC BigApps 3.0 invites software developers to create apps that use city data to improve the NYC experience. As the name suggests, the competition in its third year, with past winners such as the Roadify iPhone App, which employs user-submitted data and official transit data to give users alerts on subway, bus and driving conditions, and Big Apple Ed, a online guide to NYC public schools.

This year's competition will award $50,000 in prizes, including $10,000 and a chance to present their app at one of NY Tech Meetup's popular gathers going to the Best Overall Application.

If you'd like to enter, then you better get coding. The deadline for submissions, January 25, is less than a week away. Some submissions are already in, and you can check out videos, images and descriptions here.

So programmers of NYC (many of whom we happen to know here at 3rd Ward), let's show the city what you've got.

-- John Ruscher

Call For Entries // Make Your Culinary Dreams Come True

Have you crafted the perfect sparkling molasses-kombucha-agave beverage? Think you make the best portable, personal-size pies in town? Or maybe you're just a really good cook. Whatever the case, if you want to make that your business, you best check out The Next BIG Small Brand competition by Rooster Design Group.

The application is pretty simple: Write 500 words about what your culinary concept is and how you plan to execute it--something of a condensed business plan. If it's something that's already in the works, include any relevant links or photos. Formal culinary training or experience is in now way required; however, a great idea for a culinary brand is. Currently the opportunity's being offered to New Yorkers and Bay Area folks exclusively.

Meanwhile: The rewards are huge--branding and design by Rooser themselves, PR representation, kitchen equipment from Breville, and retail opportunities at Whole Foods, Bi-Rite, and Brooklyn Flea. Not too bad, right?

Well you've got until February 5 to make it happen. Semifinalists will be announced February 9, and a winner will be chosen March 27. Get to it, foodies.

--Layla Schlack

CONTEST ALERT // Scoutmob Gives You A Chance To Win A 52-Show Pass To The Bell House

Deal websites are a dime a dozen these days, but amidst the madness of half-price nail salon visits and deep dining discounts, Scoutmob is one startup that we can really get on board with.

Rather than just throwing together a hodge-podge of deals and hoping that bargain hunters will bite, Scoutmob features local content tailored to 20 different cities across the country and offers deals for places that we'd want to hit up anyway. It's a real community rather than a sterile digital clearinghouse.

Case in point: right now you can enter Scoutmob's "Live Like A Groupie" contest, which will give one lucky winner a chance to rock out (along with a guest) at 52 shows of their choosing at The Bell House, the excellent home-grown concert hall in Gowanus. That's one concert each week for an entire year. Sign us up.

We've been huge fans of The Bell House since they opened their doors back in 2008, and they continue to host tons of amazing live shows. Currently on the horizon are appearances by Philly indie folkers Good Old War, Atlas Sound (Bradford Cox from Deerhunter), acclaimed folk songstress Dar Williams, awesome rocker Ted Leo and funk and soul master Lee Fields. Something for everyone, really. Or all just for you, if you're lucky enough to win Scoutmob's contest. Enter now, because the December 6 deadline is fast approaching.

-- John Ruscher

CALL FOR ENTRIES // Designers, Prove Your Mettle In The 2011 Cut&Paste Digital Design Tournament

OK, designers, you officially have this week to apply for this year's Cut&Paste Digital Design Competition--you've got until October 7 to enter. "This is not a passive, submission-based contest," the Cut&Paste folks warn. And they mean it. The tournament is more a combination of a grueling work day and a night of going hard at the club:

Competitors perform live, onstage, before big-name brands and a raucous audience fueled by bartenders, with a deejay cranking out music and an emcee narrating events. Cut&Paste expects competitors to put on a show not only onscreen, but onstage, bringing props, friends, social media tie-ins - anything they can to draw in the judges and audience and stamp their personal style on their work.

Cut&Paste's NYC competition will take place on October 28 at the Angel Orensanz Foundation, where 16 designers will compete in 2D, 3D and motion design. Judges will include Jeff Staple of Staple Design, Tristan Eaton of Thunderdog Studios, Benjamin Palmer of the Barbarian Group and artist, product designer and author Jeremyville.

Then Cut&Paste will head to 11 other cities around the world, and the Grand Prize winners of each competition will be flown to the global championship right here in NYC in March 2012. That gives you the edge, New Yorkers—no jet lag.

-- John Ruscher