Call for Entries: Write the Worst Sentence In 25 Words or Less

Though we usually prefer applauding a job well done, sometimes when a job is done so poorly we have to stop and take notice. We don't think we're the only ones who enjoy contests like the Literary Review's annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award. The last winner was Snow Falling on Cedars author David Guterson for his fifth novel, Ed King, a modern interpretation of Oedipus that apparently uses one too many coy metaphors like "back door" and "front parlour." Guterson even bested Haruki Murakami's embarrassing comparison of "a freshly made ear and a freshly made vagina" in 1Q84.

But we digress.

The point is, we're equally excited for the Lyette Lyon contest--AKA the worst sentence written in 25 words or less. This one's an open call: Meaning you can either create your own terrible ode to the English language or nominate a particularly egregious sentence born from someone else's ill-fated pen. 

Last year's Lyette Lyon winner was a woman by the name of Judy Dean--and her entry went a little something like this:

"The red hot sun rose in the cold blue sky."

Here's contest founder Adam Cadre explaining their choice for the crown:

"First, you’ve got the eyeroll that comes from the ham-handed contrast between ‘red hot’ and ‘cold blue’ — and then a second later you realize that ‘red hot’ actually means a temperature of about 1000 kelvin, and is therefore hilariously inadequate as a descriptor of the sun, a gigantic nuclear furnace with a core temperature of roughly ten million kelvin. Intentionally writing a sentence that seems unintentionally bad is hard; writing one that suggests an author going for hyperbole and accidentally winding up with woeful understatement is masterful."

Meanwhile, we've got ourselves a couple more favorites--one being Jordan Brown's:

"The detective could smell the murder on the knife."

And then this little gem courtesy of James Gilker:

"A wind was blowing from east to west, as if it were the sun, blowing instead of shining."

Think you can down take those nightmarish (but kind of perfect) passages of prose? You have until April 15th to submit your sentence. On the other hand, if you'd actually like to write something not terrible, take a quick glance at some of our writing classes; we swear you won't end up in Lyette Lyon's Hall of Shame.

-- Perrin Drumm